There is a quiet moment that many people experience at some point in life: the realization that time has been moving faster than expected.

Years can disappear between ordinary mornings, busy workdays, family celebrations, and plans for “someday.” We tell ourselves that there will be another opportunity to call someone, take a trip, change direction, spend more time with family, or finally begin something we have always wanted to do.

But people who work closely with individuals near the end of life often hear a different perspective.

Hospice nurse Hadley Vlahos, known online as Nurse Hadley, has spent years caring for people and sharing reflections from her professional experiences. In an interview discussed by Newsner, she described several recurring regrets and lessons she had heard from people receiving end-of-life care.

The stories offer an opportunity to think about something much broader than the final stage of life. They invite us to consider how we spend our time today.

The themes are remarkably familiar: expressing affection, valuing relationships over possessions, beginning before conditions feel perfect, making choices for ourselves, and protecting time with the people we love.

These ideas are not rules for living, nor can the experiences of a group of patients represent everyone. Instead, they can be viewed as reflections from one healthcare professional’s career and as prompts for thinking about personal priorities.

The Importance of Saying What We Feel

One of the themes Vlahos described was the regret of not expressing affection clearly enough.

People sometimes assume that those closest to them already know how they feel. A parent knows their child is loved. A partner knows they are appreciated. A longtime friend understands the importance of the friendship.

Because the relationship feels secure, meaningful words can seem unnecessary.

Yet communication is one of the simplest ways people maintain emotional connections.

Research in psychology has repeatedly explored the relationship between expressing gratitude, affection, and relationship satisfaction. Saying something kind does not require a dramatic occasion. A short message, a phone call, or a sincere conversation can reinforce a relationship that might otherwise be taken for granted.

Vlahos’s observations therefore point toward a simple question: if someone matters to us, do they hear that from us often enough?

The answer does not have to involve grand declarations. Sometimes the most meaningful expressions are ordinary.

“I appreciate you.”

“I’m glad you’re here.”

“Thank you for everything you’ve done.”

These small sentences can become powerful precisely because they fit naturally into everyday life.

Why Experiences Often Matter More Than Possessions

Another theme in Vlahos’s reflections concerns material possessions.

Modern life encourages people to associate success with visible achievements. A larger home, a newer car, a better job title, or an impressive lifestyle can become symbols of progress.

There is nothing inherently wrong with enjoying these things. Financial security can provide comfort, opportunity, and stability.

The question is what happens when possessions become the primary measure of a successful life.

Vlahos described visiting people from very different financial circumstances and observing that, when receiving care, the surrounding environment was not necessarily what mattered most. The presence of caring people could become far more significant.

This idea is consistent with a broader body of research on well-being.

Studies in psychology have suggested that experiences and relationships can contribute significantly to life satisfaction. A well-known line of research has found that people often derive lasting value from experiences because they become part of personal memories and identity.

This does not mean that possessions are meaningless. Rather, it suggests that material success is only one part of a much larger picture.

A beautiful home can be enjoyable.

A comfortable car can be useful.

Financial stability can reduce stress.

But none of these automatically creates meaningful relationships, cherished memories, or a sense of purpose.

Stop Waiting for the Perfect Moment

Perhaps one of the most relatable lessons in Vlahos’s account is the idea of waiting.

People frequently postpone meaningful goals because circumstances do not seem ideal.

“I’ll start when work gets easier.”

“I’ll travel when I have more money.”

“I’ll spend more time with my family after this project.”

“I’ll pursue that dream when I’m more prepared.”

The problem is that “later” can become a permanent habit.

The story of one patient who reflected on spending years preparing for a different career direction illustrates this idea. According to Vlahos, the person recognized that several years would pass regardless of whether he began moving toward his goal.

That observation contains an important insight.

Time passes whether we use it intentionally or not.

This does not mean that everyone should immediately abandon responsibilities and pursue every dream. Life involves practical considerations, financial commitments, family responsibilities, and unexpected circumstances.

Instead, the lesson may be about distinguishing between a genuine obstacle and an indefinite excuse.

Sometimes the perfect moment does not arrive because the perfect moment does not exist.

A small beginning may be more realistic than waiting for ideal conditions.

Living According to Your Own Values

Another theme Vlahos shared involved people who spent years making decisions based heavily on other people’s opinions.

Social approval is a natural part of human behavior. People want to belong. They want their families, friends, colleagues, and communities to respect their choices.

But there is a difference between considering other people’s perspectives and allowing those perspectives to completely determine our lives.

Imagine spending years choosing a career primarily because it sounds impressive.

Or buying things mainly because they signal success.

Or avoiding a hobby because someone else might consider it impractical.

Over time, these decisions can create a life that looks successful from the outside but feels disconnected from personal values.

Psychological research on intrinsic motivation suggests that people tend to experience greater satisfaction when their actions align with personally meaningful goals rather than being driven entirely by external rewards.

This does not mean ignoring everyone else.

Healthy relationships require compromise, responsibility, and consideration.

The deeper lesson is simply to ask whether our major choices reflect who we actually are.

Protecting Time for Family

Perhaps the most universal theme in Vlahos’s reflections is the value of time with loved ones.

Work is important.

Careers can provide financial security, purpose, identity, and opportunities.

Ambition can also be deeply rewarding.

But work can gradually expand into every available hour if boundaries are not established.

One additional email becomes several.

One late evening becomes a regular routine.

A weekend project becomes another week of missed family activities.

Over many years, these individual decisions can accumulate.

Vlahos described hearing people reflect on time spent working rather than being with family. Some reportedly wished they had created more opportunities to know their children and share ordinary moments with them.

These observations do not suggest that working hard is a mistake.

Rather, they encourage balance.

A career is part of a life. It should not necessarily become the entire definition of one.

Family relationships are built through repeated ordinary interactions: eating together, talking during a car ride, attending an event, taking a walk, or simply sitting in the same room.

These moments can appear insignificant when they happen.

Years later, they may become some of the memories people value most.

Why Ordinary Moments Become Extraordinary Memories

Human memory has an interesting relationship with everyday experiences.

We often assume that important memories must involve major events. Weddings, graduations, vacations, promotions, and celebrations naturally stand out.

Yet many treasured memories involve remarkably simple moments.

A parent making breakfast.

A conversation during a long drive.

A favorite meal shared at home.

A spontaneous afternoon outside.

A child’s joke that made everyone laugh.

These moments rarely feel important while they are happening.

Their importance becomes clearer with time.

This is one reason the advice to “make memories” can be more meaningful than simply accumulating achievements.

A memory does not have to be expensive or elaborate.

It requires attention.

Being present for an ordinary conversation can matter more than planning an elaborate event while remaining distracted throughout it.

The quality of attention we give people can shape the quality of our relationships.

What End-of-Life Reflections Can Teach the Rest of Us

There is an important distinction between listening to stories from hospice care and assuming that every person reaches the same conclusions.

People have different personalities, cultures, beliefs, family structures, financial circumstances, and priorities.

Not everyone regrets working hard.

Not everyone wishes they had traveled more.

Not everyone places family above career.

Some people may feel proud of their professional achievements. Others may value independence, creativity, service, education, or community involvement.

There is no universal formula for a meaningful life.

That is why Vlahos’s observations are most useful as questions rather than commandments.

What matters most to me?

Who do I want to spend more time with?

What have I been postponing?

Which goals genuinely belong to me?

What kind of memories do I want to create?

These questions can be considered at any stage of life.

The Psychology of Regret

Regret is a complex human emotion.

Psychologists have studied both action regrets, involving things people did, and inaction regrets, involving things people wish they had done.

Interestingly, some research suggests that regrets about missed opportunities can become particularly persistent because people imagine alternative versions of their lives.

The phrase “what if?” can therefore be powerful.

What if I had called?

What if I had tried?

What if I had spent more time there?

What if I had started earlier?

Of course, reflection should not become a source of constant self-criticism.

Everyone makes decisions with the information and circumstances available at the time.

The healthier approach may be to use regret as information rather than punishment.

If someone realizes they value family more than they previously acknowledged, they can begin making different choices.

If someone discovers that creativity matters to them, they can make space for it.

If someone notices that they have been waiting for the perfect moment, they can take one small step today.

Regret can become a teacher when it leads to thoughtful action.

A More Balanced Definition of Success

Perhaps the biggest lesson behind these stories is that success is larger than achievement.

A successful life can include career accomplishments, financial stability, education, travel, creativity, friendships, family, health, service, and personal growth.

The challenge is determining which combination matters to us.

Someone may spend years pursuing professional excellence and genuinely feel fulfilled.

Another person may prioritize family life.

Someone else may devote their energy to art, education, community work, entrepreneurship, or exploration.

There is no single correct answer.

The danger comes when people pursue a definition of success that belongs primarily to someone else.

Social media can intensify this pressure by constantly presenting carefully selected images of other people’s lives. It can become easy to compare our ordinary days with someone else’s most polished moments.

A meaningful life does not have to look impressive from the outside.

It needs to feel meaningful to the person living it.

Small Changes Can Begin Today

The lessons shared by Vlahos do not require dramatic changes.

Someone who wants to reconnect with family could make one phone call.

Someone who has postponed a creative project could spend thirty minutes on it.

Someone who wants more memories with their children could plan a simple weekend activity.

Someone who has been working constantly could establish a boundary around one evening.

Someone who has avoided telling another person how much they matter could simply say it.

Small actions are easier to sustain than dramatic promises.

A meaningful life is generally built through repeated choices rather than one extraordinary decision.

That may be the most practical lesson of all.

Conclusion: What Will Matter When We Look Back?

The reflections shared by an experienced hospice nurse offer a window into questions that many people eventually consider: How did I spend my time? Who did I make time for? What did I postpone? Which things truly mattered to me?

There is no need to wait for a major life event to ask those questions.

We can ask them during an ordinary Tuesday morning.

We can ask them while sitting with family.

We can ask them when deciding whether to accept another obligation.

We can ask them when thinking about a dream we have repeatedly postponed.

The goal is not to live perfectly. No one can.

The goal is to live deliberately enough that our choices increasingly reflect what we value.

Money, possessions, careers, and achievements can all have legitimate places in a fulfilling life. But they exist alongside relationships, experiences, memories, personal values, and time.

Perhaps the most valuable lesson is therefore not about how life ends, but about how we choose to live it while it is unfolding.

Human beings are naturally curious about the future. Yet sometimes the most useful question is much simpler:

If the future version of me could look back at today, what would I hope they were grateful I chose to do?

Sources

Newsner, “End-of-life nurse reveals top 3 ‘deathbed regrets’ she always hears.” The original article provides the reported observations and quotations from Hadley Vlahos.

Vlahos, Hadley. The In-Between: Unforgettable Encounters During Life’s Final Moments. A firsthand account of hospice nursing experiences and reflections.

The Sun, reporting on Hadley Vlahos’s observations about recurring regrets among people receiving end-of-life care.

National Institute on Aging, resources on caregiving, well-being, advance care planning, and conversations about personal priorities.

American Psychological Association, research and educational resources concerning well-being, relationships, motivation, and regret.